Bark Equals Bite
by luverofjamesandlily
Summary: Chris deals with the guilt over getting overtaken by a perp. Mumford's phrase didn't help.


**I was disgusted and fascinated by Mumford's words after Chris got hurt fighting the guy in 1x18. This was my response to it! Please send more prompts/writing ideas in comments or messages!**

"Guess her bite isn't as big as her bark."

The words kept echoing in Chris's head, a steady beat that kept in time with her punches against the bag. Her wrists hurt, they were still sore from the first fight she'd gotten into with the suspect, but she needed to feel the burn to keep focused. Sweat dripped down her face and neck. One bead of sweat got dangerously close to the corner of her eye, but she didn't stop to wipe it away. The last thing she needed was for someone to see and think she was crying.

Taking the perp down on the bus quickly had helped. It helped enough for Mumford to offer her a spot on his team, and god, it had felt good to turn him down. But it wasn't enough.

She gave the punching bag one more especially vicious punch and winced at the jolt of pain. Finally, she lowered her fists and took a step back, shaking her arms out. Unscrewing the cap of her water bottle, she took a long sip, tempted to dump a little over her head. Before she could, Luca's voice rang out.

"Chris, I thought you went home," he said, walking over to her in his civvies.

"Thought I'd get a little more work in," she said. "Wanna go a round?"

"Nah," he replied, looking at her. "I was just about to head out. You should come with, it's my turn to buy beer for the apartment and Street has not forgotten it."

She ducked her head down, focusing on unwrapping her wrists. "I think I'm just going to head home," she finally said.

"You're going to turn down free beer? Come on, Chris. It'll be fun."

She spun the tape around into a wad and aimed it at the garbage can, lining the shot up, and sinking it. He whistled at her throw.

"Nice. Now, come on. Are you still worrying about what Mumford said? You know he didn't mean it, he's just like that. Annoying and rude," Luca continued. She could tell he was trying to get a laugh out of her but she just couldn't do it, couldn't put on that act.

"He did mean it, Luca. He expects me to be weak and bad at this job and the hundreds of times I've been good at it don't matter. The few times I get my ass beat are what he and everyone else here remembers, because that's when I prove them right, that I'm weak and shouldn't be on S.W.A.T." Chris said, all in the rush of one breath. As soon as the words were out, she deflated, shoulders curving in and looking at the ground. Then she forced her gaze up to meet Luca's eyes.

"Chris, that isn't true. Everyone here knows you're completely qualified to be here."

She shook her head.

"I have to be twice as good as the rest of you to even be on the same playing field," she said, suddenly feeling exhausted. She sat on the bench and threw her stuff into her gym bag.

"I know you go through shit everyday that I don't understand or deal with. And I don't know how to make it better. But just remember, that me and the rest of the team, we know you're incredible and we wouldn't trade you for a man any day," Luca said quietly, taking a seat next to her. She finished packing up her bag and let it rest at her feet. Chris looked over at him and smiled, nudging his side with her shoulder.

"I know. Thank you," she said simply. He nodded and they sat there in silence for a moment.

"Now. How about that beer?" he asked, getting to his feet and clapping his hands together. She stared at him, weighing the offer against going home, ordering Chinese takeout, putting on pajamas, and binging a season of Brooklyn-99. "Don't make me kidnap you. I'd have to arrest myself and imagine the paperwork on that. How would I explain that to Cortez?"

Chris cracked a smile at that before shrugging and getting on her feet.

"I suppose free beer is hard to turn down," she said slowly.

He punched the air victoriously, "There you go!"

"I smell like an armpit though," she said, sniffing obnoxiously to demonstrate.

"Then you'll fit right in at Street's," he said, grinning. Chris smiled back, hoisting her gym bag over her shoulder and following Luca out to the parking lot. "You can just head to Street's, I'll be right behind you after I pick up the beer," he said as they approached their cars.

"Does Street have any food or should I stop and pick something up?" she asked, leaning against her car door.

"He's got food, just head over there." She nodded and left with a small wave as she pulled out of the parking lot.

The drive to Street's place was quick, he lived closer to work than she did. His was shittier than hers, but living closer would be nice. Snagging a parking spot on the street right across from his apartment building, she noticed cars that looked suspiciously like all of her teammates. She rolled her eyes, at them and at herself. She walked right into Luca's trap to get her to come over and spend time with all of them, probably so they could compliment her and make her feel less like a piece of shit.

"I don't like being surprised," she said as soon as Street opened the door, over his protests, she continued. "I don't like being lied to and honestly, I'm disappointed that all your undercover skills suck so much. I spotted all of your cars as soon as I parked," she added, waving a finger at Hondo, Deacon, and Tan.

"We know you don't like being surprised, which is why we didn't hide the cars," Deacon said calmly, with no sympathy about today clouding his face. That calmed Chris down a little. She took a deep breath and smelled something delicious.

"Is that up for grabs?" she asked, pointing towards the Chinese takeout boxes on Street's table.

"Yeah, we got enough to feed a small army, so you and Luca should be able to eat," Tan said, laughing.

"First come, first serve," Hondo objected, reaching into the bag and pulling out an eggroll. There was laughter and a little shoving as they distributed the food. The tightness in Chris's chest eased a little as she sank into Street's piece of crap sofa, shifting so the one loose spring didn't dig into her back.

The front door burst open and the first thing Luca did was toss a beer at Chris. She caught it by the tips of her fingers and jammed the cap off using the coffee table in front of her.

"Cheers," she said, lifting it to the room.

Once everyone else had their beers, they echoed her sentiment. But Hondo added on.

"Cheers to the most badass woman we know. Great job today, Chris," he said. "I wasn't there, but I heard all about how you took him down on that bus."

Chris's stomach twisted at the reminder.

"Wouldn't have needed to take him down on the bus if I'd gotten him the first time," she muttered into her beer, but Tan still heard her.

"Knock it off, he would have gotten the drop on any of us. You were just the one who happened to be there," he said, kicking her ankle softly.

"Besides, Mumford should have been better backup. We're a team, that's how we operate best," Deacon added.

"None of those things matter in the eyes of the other guys at S.W.A.T though. All they saw was a girl who got her ass kicked, just like they expected."

"Those guys don't matter. You matter and we know your skill and strengths," Hondo said sternly. Chris took a deep breath and nodded, forcing a pained smile on her face. She knew it looked fake so she took a bite of her food to mask it. She loved her team and appreciated the hell out of them for what they were trying to do. But this was one thing they couldn't understand and she sure as hell wasn't in a place tonight to try and explain it to them better. It was too raw, too much right now.

"You're right," she agreed, wanting to let it drop. Hondo eyed her for a second before turning to Street.

"What have you got to watch? I feel like watching something about cops so we can criticize everything they do wrong," he said to Street.

Street put on some bad police drama from the 70s and the rest of the night sped by in a blur of laughter, bad 70s outfits, and a deep sense of affection for her team.


End file.
